Made To Become A Mother: Raising Her Son With Kelly Scheer
The most important thing for most people is their children. For Kelly Scheer, she believes her son is the reason why she was put on this Earth. Kelly is a proud mother, an executive coach, and the CEO and Chair of Vistage Michigan. Explore Kelly's life from her coaching job to her love for her son, and even get a glimpse into the shadow side of life. Learn how to sacrifice everything and be proud of everything that your children do. They are going to run the future, and it is your job to teach them good values. Join your host, Rich Blakeman and his guest Kellly on her life story.
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Made To Become A Mother: Raising Her Son With Kelly Scheer
I'm excited to have a dear friend of mine with us and also someone that everybody is going to enjoy as another of our shows. When we finish, if you don't agree, send me a note and I'll write you a check. Kelly Scheer, welcome to the show.
Thank you, Rich. I am thrilled to be here, and congratulations on living your better story every day. This is an amazing opportunity.
We're going to have a lot of fun. Please, tell people who don't know you, who you are, what you do, why you are on this Earth?
That's a great question because it lets me answer in the most affirmative, truthful, and positive way ever. Several years ago, I was made a mom and that is positively my work on this Earth. If you ask me who I am, I'm a mom. I like to do lots of other things, too. My son, Gavin, is my moon, my stars, and my sunshine every single day. That’s why I'm on this Earth. There's no question about it. The minute that I got pregnant, I knew I was on this Earth to do that. I have been blessed every single day after that to have him in my life and my universe. I am an executive coach and I am a peer group facilitator. What that means is, I gather groups of executives and business leaders and we create peer groups, accountability, partnerships, and better ideas, and together we grow. We grow businesses, personal relationships, and each other. It's probably the best work that I have ever done that I never ever thought I would do.
I've seen you in action in that mode and all I can say is I would not want to be on the wrong side of accountability to you because you're a straight shooter when it comes to accountability. What else could you want in an accountability coach? What else could you want as a thirteen-year-old?
Gavin may disagree with that on some days, but I would agree.
Probably on most days. Let’s put you in a version of Gavin's shoes, only let's dial back a little further. Close your eyes for a second and let's make you 6 or 7-years-old. Tell me about the kinds of things that the 6 or 7-year-old Kelly loved to do. What made you the happiest when you were doing it when you were 6 or 7?
I'm an only child and my parents were divorced at a young age, so I had lots of time with adults. What I remember most fondly, my most favorite time, and the thing that made me tick was time with other kids, specifically my cousins. If I was in South Bend, Indiana with my cousins in a swimming pool with a barbecue and my grandmother by my side or somewhere in that mix, I was a pretty happy camper. I remember those summers in that timeframe more than most. For me, that was the ultimate, most carefree time and I felt most connected to myself and to family. I was confident and connected. We laughed. We had fantastic times together. If that's my 5, 6, 7-year-old self, I'm in South Bend, Indiana in a swimming pool.
I can see you there. My cousins are important to me. I have a lot of cousins. I stay in touch with all of them. My sister does not, it’s not as important. My wife does not stay in touch with her cousins. It’s not as important, 1 or 2 of them maybe, but I stay in touch with all of my cousins because it's what I got. That's my family.
Having a tribe is one of those things that you recognize as a young child, but you can't fully appreciate it until people start to fall away from your tribe and you start to realize who's important, what's important, and why they're important. I would argue that the why is, yes, because we're related, but more than that, we were raised together. We finish each other's sentences. I got off the phone with my cousin, we talk every day and during the pandemic, twice a day. She's my lifeline and go-to. The tribe piece of it for me was important, especially since I don't have siblings. It’s such an important connection for me as an adult, but it started when I was five.
You've talked about translating it to an adult. The things you loved as a child, how does that translate to the things you love most about your work?
The thing I love most about coaching is giving people a safe space to explore what might be so scary that they've never gone before. For me, it’s my cousin saying to me, “You can't jump down and touch the bottom of that pool. I bet you can't,” but I had safety. They'll be there when I get to the top. Not only will I be okay, but they'll be cheering for me as I will for them. As a coach in this adult space, for me, that's the best part. I'm right here, Rich. Let's talk about what's so scary about that. If you share that with me, we can distill some of that mystery, we can take apart some of that scary stuff so you can do what you are supposed to do, which is greatness. There are all of those things.
The other thing I love about coaching and the work that I do in pure facilitation is it allows me to be creative. It’s the same as a child. My parents, I had a pediatric nurse as a mother and a school administrator, a principal, as a father. The answer to my, “What do you want to do with your life,” was anything you want. No holds barred. “You can be an astronaut, a physician, and a lawyer. You can do all these things.” For me, the creativity spot when I was younger about dreaming, that's what I love about this work, too. Let's dream together about what makes you happiest and where you're in your best, most efficient, effective, and creative space.
I can see by your animation how that exactly plays out. I couldn't be happier.
That is a space in my childhood. I was told, “Love what you do. The money will come.” For me, the passion is always there. If not, why bother? Frankly, let's find something else. I love that, plus I get to be with people every single day. Talk to them, find out what makes them tick, and help them. I don't know if that gets any better than that.
Proud Mother: Having a tribe is one of those things that you recognized as a child but can't fully appreciate until people start to fall away from your tribe.
Tell me about the other side. Tell me about your most painful memories.
For me, it is the shadow side as opposed to the dark side. I'm going to call it the shadow side. I certainly have that. There is an equal and opposite reaction to flying high creatively and creating an opportunity by which nothing is unachievable. Everything you can do. It’s the superlatives, always. Sometimes, those are not the paths that were chosen for me. Sometimes, I don't achieve wild success and that spins me for a loop because it is not what I expected and what I wanted and I begin internally to spin.
All the energy and creativity that was spent to get to that spot is spent sabotaging why I'm in the space that I'm at and why I have not achieved. It's the superlative of that. The best, fantastic, most excellent thing is the worst and most terrible. I tend to catastrophize, just like how I can create the pedestal. It's not equal, thankfully, but there is a point where I have to say, “Kelly, give it up. Give it a break. Enough already. You're fine. You're not homeless and hungry. Your kid is great. He loves you. He's safe, warm, and respectful.” You do this thing that we learned, which is all about gratitude so that downward spiral starts to spin up again. Frankly, I'm grateful that I don't spend a whole lot of time down there because I can't. I have so many blessings in my life that it would be disingenuous and distasteful to spend too much time down there.
It's interesting. You chose two words that I understand but I haven't heard before in this same way. One of them was shadow. It's an interesting way to describe it. The other one you said was internal, because I know a lot of people who externalize all of that and that's not necessarily all that healthy for them, or all that healthy for anybody around them. It doesn’t necessarily mean that internalizing everything is all that healthy either but if you understand what you're doing, then you can manage that. The interplay of those two words, the shadow self and internalizing it makes it interesting. You talked about it a bit at the end, how do those painful moments turn into a gift in your life? How do you energize that? How do you take advantage of that and turn it into a gift?
The same person who taught me shadow taught me about wherever you're at in your life, to say, “Why is this perfect for me?” For instance, parts of my business are going well and other parts of my business could use a boost, frankly. While I'm catastrophizing perhaps, and exploring the shadow piece of that, I might be saying things like, “I shouldn't have done this. What was I thinking? I'll never get off the ground.” If I can have those thoughts and say, “Why is this perfect for me?”
I did this work. It's hard, painful, vulnerable, and the gooey middle inner sanctum of your world. I can tell you why it's a gift for me and why it's perfect for me because being at the bottom is the best place to see everything. I've been at the tippy top, I've been in the middle, I've been climbing, I've been falling, and I've been up. At the bottom of this one specific instance, for me, I have the clearest vision, 20/20. I can see up and over that mountain and nowhere else because I was able to get that view. Why is it perfect for me? It’s because now I know exactly where I'm going. Before I didn't know, that's why it's perfect. The second reason why it's perfect or it's a gift is because no one is going to fight as hard as I am for a win. I need to win, so I'm going to get it. I see it, I can clarify it, and I can crystallize it, so that’s why it's perfect for me.
What energizes you?
That boy who is a man, by the way, 5’10” and 160 pounds. He's a beast. He'll be fine if he can survive his mother. That was his diagnosis at the beginning. “Your child will be fine if he can survive his mother.” He is my combustion engine. Everything I do is for, about, around, and in spite of sometimes, him. I'm a mom. I was put on this Earth to be a mom. I am so laser-focused on that, so that's a piece of it. Rich, if I'm being honest, 365 days sometimes that engine doesn't fire as often as it needs to. I'm so grateful to my friends and my family, who inspire me every single day. The work that they're doing, being moms and dads in a pandemic, building businesses, closing businesses, opening other businesses, crushing it on the business side of things, and at the same time, they're taking care of their parents. They're burying their parents.
They're taking care of their loved ones, checking on neighbors, and mowing the lawn. All the things that we do in the community, I want to wake up and be a part of that. Which piece of the cog in the wheel can I be a part of now? To me, that's a reason to get up, get rest, hydration, exercise, and energy. It is all the things that I want to be because it goes back to that child. I need to teach him how to be a productive member of society. That is my job so I can't talk about it. I’ve got to walk it.
What drains you?
Mediocrity drains me.
That’s shocking. I can't believe it.
Spoiler alert. Mediocrity drains me and here's why. I'm okay with the fact that you don't like or you won't want to. The shadow side of whatever it is I'm doing, I'm okay with that. As my son would say, “Come at me. Give me a reason. Tell me something that you love or you hate or you are passionate about.” Mediocrity drains me because I can't get up on it, learn from it, and grow from it. The other thing that drains me is this absolute constant otherism. By that, I mean describing yourself as someone who is in direct opposition all the time constantly. We're so polarized. That drains me because I am about community. It doesn't matter what side of anything you're on. We have more in common than we don't. The human structure of our being, the reason we are here, our purpose in life, all the things, 99.9999% of those things are the same. For us to stand on all of the otherism and the reasons why we don't or can't or won't, I don’t have time for that. It drains me.
I'm convinced that most of America anyway is closer to the two banks of a very narrow river than they are near the coasts but all we hear about are the coasts. We don't hear about the center. It drives me crazy.
Proud Mother: People tend to catastrophize good things. It's the superlative of that fantastic and most excellent thing, is now the worst and most terrible thing you know.
That's such a good analogy, because what happens every day in America and frankly, around the world, is the bridging literally and figuratively, of the stream. People are finding out a way to help and support each other every minute of every day in this country and around the world. I want to be a part of celebrating that. I don't want to be a part of how somebody stole all the toilet paper from the grocery store. I don’t care about that guy. I don't care about him. I want to talk about the guy who organized the neighborhood to make sure everybody had enough, didn't run out, and they were healthy and happy. There are so many fantastic stories to tell. That drains me to listen to those that don't celebrate what we have in common.
Let's play a what if game. Let's pretend that I just met you three years from now and you said to me, “I had the most amazing few years of my life,” what has happened in the last three years that you're telling me about?
First things first, I would tell you to stay off the sidewalk because my newly minted driver is still young, so I have concerns about all of that. That is going to be a wonderful thing. He is a fantastic driver and I'm so proud of him. He's an A-plus student, he works in the community, he’s a football and basketball star, too, and I couldn't be prouder of him. That has been an amazing three-year journey for him. As his mom, I'm proud as I can be. My feet don't touch the ground because I'm so proud of him. My life in the last three years has been more fulfilling than even I could imagine.
Because you don't know me, if you knew me three years ago, you would know that I could imagine some pretty fantastic and amazing things but my life is even better than what I thought. I will tell you that the last three years have been filled with friends, family, and deepening relationships, so I have more of the tribe that I had three years ago. I better understand my skillset now, so my business is not only 10x what it was three years ago, but it is focused almost exclusively on the things that I love to do. I know that because I get up every day before my alarm and I cannot wait to start work.
The three years have been happy and healthy for my parents. You wouldn't know the difference between three years ago and right now. My mother is still in bootcamp. She takes two days as far as the gym goes and my dad's a scratch golfer and had his 17th hole-in-one. Every single day, I am proud of them and happy they are healthy. I couldn't be happier on the business side of things as well so it was a hell of three years. It was pretty good.
I got it on my calendar.
I can't wait.
I might check in before them. Knowing me, there is a chance that I might check in before then.
That's the important thing, though, because you're in the tribe. What people may not understand is, “I need that tribe.” I need you to say, “Kelly, get out of your head. You're fine. Do you love that work? Don't you? Dump it. Do you love that work? Do you? Dump everything else.” If people don't know this about the fantastic Rich Blakeman, he's one of the bravest people in my life that can tell me those things.
Thank you.
You're welcome. It's true.
In all of this big picture, a short answer is fine, what does your faith and your belief system have to do with all of this? With everything we've talked about, how does it play and fit? What part of it is part of Kelly?
I've said several times in our conversation that I have been blessed. There is no doubt in my mind that I was called to this work. I called to the work that I do and frankly called to the work that I did before this coaching work. I was also called to be a mother. I feel like that is divine. There's no question about it. There's a reason for it. It's the puzzle piece that fits the best in my life and I get warm and fuzzy about it. I know that was placed in my life. The reason that I know that I was called to this work is before I started coaching, I started my career in downtown Detroit at Children's Hospital. My job back then was to keep the big, bad media away from children who were dying in house fires, car accidents, and at the hands of their parents who had abused them. It was a terrible circumstance for those children but I took that role seriously. It was my job to advocate for them. I did that work and my boss saw that I did that and he said, “I want you to go to Washington and tell the stories of the children who no one will listen to.”
I did that work. I moved myself to the cancer center because my dad had a terrible diagnosis and he wasn't supposed to live. I took that job because something told me I needed to be there for him and I needed to take care of him and all the other patients there. At that time, I told the story about fundraising and philanthropy. I told the story of all the people who couldn't tell their own story. From there, I was recruited by a CEO of a nursing home company and she said to me, “You have the God forbid job.”
I was like, “What do you mean?” “God forbid, you need a Children's Hospital. You were there for those kids. God forbid, you get the C-word as in cancer. You were there. I want you to speak on behalf of the elderly. If you think you have had an advocacy job until now, you haven’t seen nothing yet,” is essentially what she said, and she said, “You were called to speak for the voiceless. You were called to work, move, and advocate on behalf of those who can't advocate for themselves.”
Proud Mother: My son is my combustion engine. Everything I do is for him. I'm a mom. I was put on this Earth to be a mom. That is my absolute. I am so laser-focused on that him.
That was when I understood that something larger than me was in control. I was physically and metaphorically moved to do that work. I did that work for nine years and ended up running the portfolio and learning about business and all the things. I learned so much in that space but now I know that what calls me is what I am supposed to do. I learned that because she told me, “You've been called to do this work.” That is my inspiration and my motivation.
That is the space that I have been in. I have worked for nine years in Catholic healthcare. I have worked for lots of businesspeople, too, but I'll take a nun any day. If someone said to me, “Who do you want to go into business with?” “Sister Catherine.” That's who I want to go to business with. They're the epitome of moral leaders. I learned that from them. You don’t shake that thing ever. I was fortunate to have that training in my career.
Kelly, if I were to summarize our whole discussion, you've had several opportunities to continue to live a better story throughout your life. I've got an appointment for another verse three years from now and you're on your way to the next version of your better story as it is right now and you don't know where it'll take you.
I don't, but Rich, if I have people like you in my life and my tribe around me, then my story gets better every single day and I'm fortunate to live it.
Thank you for joining us, Kelly. '
It’s my pleasure.
I appreciate you being here and as a friend.
Thank you, Rich. You, too. Take care.
